it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
