Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
