My room smells like vodka and shame
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize