don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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