he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
