So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize