alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
