Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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