The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
