you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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