this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
