Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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