i jhust puked up my retainher.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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