I'm jealous of your bromance
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
