Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
