Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no you cant smoke seaweed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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