scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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