This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my shit smells like andre
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
