alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
