we have officially lost it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize