I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
