remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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