meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
