She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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