Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
