walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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