I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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