I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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