go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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