stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
