We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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