HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
