sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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