Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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