I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
