dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
