I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just tell him i said nine months
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
