Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
