8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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