I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
