I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
