Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
