my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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