If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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