remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
