she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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