I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
