The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
