Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
