Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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