answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
