i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
