respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
