Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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