Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My bed smells like the plague
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
