this beer tastes like vomit already
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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