sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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