So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
