Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
