my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
