Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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