I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
