I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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