so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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