you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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