how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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