Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
