I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
