I accidentally had phone sex last night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
