Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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