the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
